Best day of my life

So one year ago today I married the love of my life. In hindsight I should have done it 10 years ago but we were always trying to get our ducks in a row and figure out our future. But let me tell you we had a great time and all who came to share this with us would agree and Ashley was beautiful Bride. Me and Ashley were very close and never did anything without one another. When she was bored I would even bring her to work with me when I could. People just loved Ashley she had that personality. She was very lovable and would talk and chat to anyone. Kids would just flock to her she was very playful. She wanted many kids and I had no doubt in my mind she would have made a wonderful mother but that wasn’t to be not sure why yet. Me and Ashley had long talks about this after her diagnosis. She said why us why does this have to happen to us. All I wanted to do is start a family and get old with you now you will have to do that with someone else. “That was supposed to be me” This broke my heart and I told her don’t understand This so-called grander plan that God has for all of us but we will fight this together to the end thats a Promise I can make. People don’t understand when you get diagnosis with terminal disease your normal life is put on hold and its the little things that make a difference. She put on such a tough outer shell but she was truly dying inside at times this I could see. Giving her a fairytale wedding was something that I will never forget and will NEVER Regret. This give us some type of normal in our life if you can imagine that. We didn’t dwell on the what if we were just trying to look forward. She had been waiting patiently for years but It wasn’t all my fault she had high expectations and wanted a large ring LOL (Every girl loves diamonds) not easy when your Battling cancer and finances are tight and you have to pay for a wedding on top of that. But then again I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the money made me so happy. Not sure why the good ones die young nothing makes sense. I just have to believe I will see my best friend again some day (Happy one year Baby ) I will drink a beer for you

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f4qqdbRMYG0&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Df4qqdbRMYG0

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I hold on

So you all know me and Ashley had been together Since September of 2002. At the time I met her my truck (that I still have) was only about 2 months old to me. Me and my Friends were at a tractor pull ( yes country boys) one night and decided to go get something to eat in a Neighboring community. That’s when all my friends were like pull over look at those girls I said no I’m Hungry. Haha So we proceeded to get food then I drove over so my friends could talk to the girls while I ate my food. LoL I was really not interested in talking to a girl that night. But after I finished my food I started talking to Ashley and it was like love at first site we just hit it off from there. Never dreamed almost 12 years later I would have still been with her and she would have passed of cancer at only 28 years of age. Surprisingly I still have the same truck that I met her in but I can’t believe it’s still here and she’s gone. It’s just a Old pick up truck but it’s more than that now. This truck has got us through a lot of hard times moved us numerous times bailed her out when her car broke down never let us down it’s been a great truck. We spent hours upon hours in this truck when I first started dating her. Every Ding and dent has a story to it and I still have a curling iron burn on my dash from her LOL. That she’d still would deny that she did to this day. I work on all my own stuff and have kept this truck going and now it is very Sentimental to me and I will hold on. I have been tearing it down and repairing a lot of rust spots and fixing numerous things that needed to be done. I just wish I could have put a new part on my wife to give her more time. This is Frustrating sense I can fix just about anything just not her :(
Bear with me I’m trying to figure out how to post pictures on here not very computer savvy.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JoT6B18tD2Q&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DJoT6B18tD2Q

Sent from my iPhone

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Last Memorial

So I’m sorry it’s taken so long to write this I have been dealing with so much lately and just trying to figure things out in my life. My wife’s last memorial was great I had hundreds and hundreds of pictures we had a great turnout considering we haven’t lived in Michigan for seven years Ashley was truly loved here. Unfortunately her mother and father and brothers including grandpa wouldn’t talk to me or come to their senses try to work out an agreement about the insurance issue. So they all did not come mainly because I think they were embarrassed of what they were doing and have no morals. Oh well Ashley wouldn’t want them there anyways considering what they’re doing to me after she is gone and not helping out at all just trying to cash in on her life. If that’s the most important thing to them then so be it god will work things out. Ashley see all now and knows the truth about them and what is important. Me and my wife didn’t talk much about the possibility of her dying it was just too hard of a subject for the both of us you can only imagine. But Ashley and I knew the possibility was there and she definitely had things planned out just in case something happened. When I went through her scrapbooking room I found a CD that said play at my memorial it was brand-new wrapped up and had a letter inside for me. This really hit me hard, my wife must of been going through hell for someone to know that they’re going to die and to know that she came to terms with that hurt me deeply. We always tried to stay positive and ignore the issue I can only Imagine the thoughts going through her head at that time. Ashley Wasn’t afraid of dying she was afraid of dying alone. She knew the majority of her family would never be there for her but she could count on me to the end. Even after her death her family wasn’t there for her Spirit I just wish they gave a dam. Her sister Brooke is the only one that came to her memorial on her immediate family side. Very said because I am the closest thing they have to her now. These are the songs that I found for me to play and I have a real hard time listening to them Without breaking down. I also played a Brad Paisley song I thought she might like.

► 3:26► 3:26
http://www.youtube.com/w…;
May 22, 2013

Sun Comes Up – Trace Adkins (Subt. al Español) – YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpf…;

► 4:11► 4:11
http://www.youtube.com/w…;
Apr 18, 2008

Will not stop

Again my loving wife’s memorial is going to be on Saturday, November 16th at Christ Episcopal Church at 120 Goodhue St. Owosso,Mi. At 11am all who knew or were touched by Ashley are welcome. I will not let the greed or selfishness of other stop or discourage me. They will be judged in the end and I will continue the fight for my wife. Her name will not be forgotten and if Della wants to profit from my wife’s death and not help with Medical bills or cost from everything thats fine. I told her she could be the first donor to Ashley’s foundation to help people that have cancer or create classes or whatever I see fit to help. But again that would be the right thing to do so I figured she would say no. Ashley and me were on own since she moved out of her house at young age of 18 years old. Then we moved out of state when she was 22 or so. Surprisingly considering her mother she turned into a great young woman who I loved dearly. So after my wife has passed, all the pieces have all been coming together for me. Ashley keep something bottled up and when I would ask about it or try to help she would just get angry. She had not met her biological dad till the age of 13 due to her mother. Her mother Della just didn’t tell him. She has lied about it for the last 20 some years and said he took off and wanted nothing to do with Ashley. But Della knew were he worked just didn’t tell him not sure the reason yet. I think Ashley found this out and was very hurt by her mother when she caught her in a lie not sure. Her biological dad found out 13 years later when the state came after him for back child support for a child he know nothing about very very sad. So at that point Ashley was forced to meet a man her mother said was So-called evil and she hated. And for a teen to want to go with a stranger instead of hanging out with friends is crazy not to mention when the parents don’t get alone. Ashley couldn’t even act like she had a good time at her dads because her mother would get mad. This hurts me deeply because who knows what could have been for the two of them if Della would have not put up so many road blocks. Ashley would have had two great dads. You see Ashley had a lot of cancer on her biological dad side and this is why I am telling you all this. Since she didn’t get to know him very well she knew nothing about all the cancer. This info alone could have made a difference. Maybe the doctors would have ran extensive prescreening test who knows what else. Ashley’s grandmother, and her grandmothers 4 sisters died of cancer. Even some of there children have had cancer and one died of breast cancer before 30 from what I understand and have gathered and they all were female. I’m not saying it would have saved her but who knows what if I have always said info. is the most important thing you can have and this is a lot. Even the first night she was at the ER they asked us if cancer ran in the family we said no. This just slowed the process down and she was almost sent home for acid reflex/ stomach ulcer. This need to be a parents Responsibility to inquire and get this information for the children when they are young. This is what I’ll concentrate on first with Ashley’s foundation preventative maintenance and prescreening and trying to set up classes on cancer and family history and what we can learn from it. We need to teach this in our children’s health classes and make it mandatory for parents to give ALL complete family history to doctors. This is the future to finding a so called cure or slowing cancer down (early detection) very important. So please if you don’t know your family history try to find out. Be the best parent you can for your kids and do what’s right. It’s to late for Ashley but not to late for your children. You all know about the family drama and I have been consumed with anger for her mother and very confused how someone could do this. I have thought long and hard about everything and I feel sorry for Della’s family. I am the closest thing to Ashley they have left and money can’t buy all the pics and videos I have. Della and Ashley’s older brother said I am no longer apart of the family and that’s ok I will keep her name alive. At first I told Della not to come to Ashley memorial but I have morals. So with that being said I will tell her that if she thinks Ashley would want her there she is welcome. She already made her bed and will get her judgment we all know that. “All things work out in the end” this is what me and Ashley always said. I just feel sorry she never had the honor of really getting to know her child she was truly an inspiration to many. I was very blessed to have had her in my life as long as I did. I will continue to help her brother Dylan and sister Brooke in any way I can, this I know Ashley would want since she was like a mother to both.

Second memorial for my wife

So first off I want to say I am so very sorry to everybody for not posting in such a long time. My loving wife Ashley was very secure and had everything under passcodes and it took weeks to figure out all the pass codes for everything not to mention I’m not very computer savvy LOL. So let me first say that the first memorial went great Ashley had her last rights as a Catholic and it was beautiful. I have a month of catching up on her blogging to do she would want me to do that. The second memorial is going to be at the Christ Episcopal church At 120 E. Goodhue St. Owosso Michigan at 11 AM. At the first Memorial Ashley broke my heart. She really got the last word in like always lol. She told the minister who we spoke to numerous times to tell me something personal at the memorial service. She just knew that I would probably have him speak for her sense she liked him so much and spoke to him a lot about God and other things in life. She told him to tell me that she loved me and I was her best friend in life. Also she could not have survived 18 months without me by her side. She also said that I was one the beloved boys in her life besides Tank&Toby Lol. As you all know I had Ashley cremated and it took me a long long time to find the perfect urn for my wife. I ended up getting her a beautiful beveled glass mirrored box. I had a lot of engraving done on it to make it personal. It already had a beautiful glittery angel on top of the box so I just thought it was appropriate to inscribed Detroit Tigers on the angels sleeve. Then of course I put some diamonds on it all girls have to have a little bling bling right. I have been going through so much so many emotions so many different kinds of feelings from the loss of my beloved wife. But to put Ashley’s crazy mother on top of that is even more difficult. I don’t normally put family drama on a post but my wife really got the short end of the stick when it came to a mother if you would call her mother. Ashley knew her mother would never be there for her in the end, when she really needed family the most. Ashley’s mother was not there when she passed away sadly She told me she “didn’t have the money”. If you love somebody you do whatever it takes possible to be down there for them in that time of need. My parents would have even given her a ride down there but she refused. I found out that the kind workers at Kroger where her mother works have been taking up collections for her to come down and see her. She has never use the money for that purpose and I’m not sure what she has been doing with it sadly. I found out she had a life insurance policy on Ashley that my wife knew nothing about. She tried telling me that there was $1000 life insurance policy that her grandmother taken out for her and that she would need a death certificate. I thought this was sort of fishy and she was lying to me. So when I asked her to see the policy she told me “I don’t have to tell you anything” And that she is not giving me a dime of it even though I have countless medical bills and cost of cremation funeral memorial and so on. After Ashley passed I felt very bad for her mother even though she wasn’t down there I sent my parents over to see her and maybe take her out for coffee and to talk. She didn’t want to go though she was busy looking for Ashley’s life insurance policy that she surprisingly “forgot about” she says the whole time my wife battled for 18 months. This is very said to me she only worries about cashing in on her daughters death and doesn’t care about anything else. Ashley would never want her mother to profit from her death. Ashley was not very close mainly because her mother didn’t act like one at all. Ashley would have been so angry with her mother if she had found out her she had a life insurance policy on her since she moved out of the house at age 18. Normal parents in this circumstances would have signed it over to their children at age 18 or 21 whatever that may be and let them take it over as they see fit. I am again just so saddened by this and can’t believe that someone who calls themselves a mother would do this to their deceased daughter. I told Della that I wanted to set up a foundation in Ashley’s name and that she could be the first donor to it If there was any money left after the medical expenses. She basically told me forget you I paid the premiums and I am cashing it in. Well I battled with my wife for 18 months and I will battle with her tell the end of my life if need be on the situation. Like I told everyone before it’s not about the money to me I am trying to help other people. For example the go fund me site everybody has generously donated to any money I take out of it I am going to put back in when I get back to work. It will all go to a foundation that I set up in her name and it will ultimately help cancer patients with rare cervical and pancreatic cancer. Again I am so saddened by the family drama but I don’t know any other way to try to stop this woman.

First memorial for Ashley

My wife was baptized Catholic and always considered her self to be part of the Catholic church at the hospital. She was diagnosed so early on when we first moved to DC we didn’t have time to become a members at any churches around the area. Unfortunately the hospitals became more like a home to us. We had meet so many wonderful people and spent so much time with them that we know call friends and family. She was a member of both churches at Georgetown University Hospital and Washington hospital center. So with that being said I have decided to have a nice Catholic ceremony at Washington Hospital Center where my wife passed away and met so many people she loved.

Time: 12:00 noon
Date: Thursday, October 24
Location: Washington hospital center at the chapel

All are welcome please come and remember my wife and her legacy

Thank you Tim

She’s gone

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6nqdcbFU9Bg&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D6nqdcbFU9Bg

This is been a very difficult difficult time in my life friday I had to say good by and cremate my love Ashley. She was and will away be the love of my life and she is gone now. I never dreamed I would be looking for urns to put my wife’s remains in at such a young age in my life. No one in life is ever ready to die but at least at an older age you are more prepared or at least have something’s decided. We never even talked about the possibility of it because we though we could be the exception to this disease. We fought harder and pushed the doctors farther than they thought was even possible. We showed them that the will to live is stronger than there medicines. Ashley not only had pancreatic cancer mass she had a very rare cervical cancer of the gland that has spread from the cervix to the other locations. She had cancer not only on her pancreas tail but in her pelvis, cervix, overies, peritoneal omentum, bowel, abdominal cavity, small intestine and colon and most likly liver. My wife would be upset with me but I feel I must tell everyone this because this is a testament to how strong she really was. This type of adenocarcinoma is so rare the surgeon only had see two others cases like it in his career. How it spread from the cervical area to other locations without detection is beyond him. But my guess is her body kept fighting it off trying to stop the cancer from spreading. Unfortunately it keep spreading quietly and was undetected by her white blood cells or they were just Overwhelmed by the amount. This is why she had such a wide spread of cancer and her little body was riddled with it I think. She will ALWAYS be part of the PC family because there is no way that we could tell 100% that her ppancreatic cancer was not a separate primary location. This is mainly because were unable to resect the large pancreatic mass on her pancreas and compare that to the cells resected. The girls at the infusion center when I went there the other day told me they could not believe how much cancer she had. She was still functioning and looked so good all of the time they said. Don’t take this the wrong way I told them but my wife looks better dead than most people do alive and that’s the truth we lived life the best we could. I told them this is why I struggled with cremation I wanted people to see here so beautiful looking as always. But the thought of putting her under ground and letting her slowly decay is not the way she would want it. There is no good answer here but at least there is no pain any more.

Memorial fund for Ashley

Hi everyone it’s Tim Ashley’s husband I would like to set up a memorial in her name. Thank you for all the love and support for my wife and your cancer kickin girl. Your words of encouragement and strength helped her through some pretty tough times and for that I will always be in your debt. Cancer did not beat her she beat the cancer and showed she was not going down without a fight. All donations would be greatly appreciated and go directly towards Ashley’s memorial fund. I will continue to post updates and information on what I’ve learned through the process and hopefully she can still continue to help others through me.

PS For all you fighting this dreadful disease don’t give up keep fighting someday we will find a cure.

Thanks Ashley’s husband Tim

http://www.gofundme.com/LoveforCancerkickingirl