Just remember…

Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain….
~Gary Allen

This week was a tough one for me… sure it’s only Thursday…. but I have been doing this whole chemo thing for almost a year now and I know what to expect, I know how to feel.  This week kinda threw me off.  All went as planned on Monday with even better news of an awesome CA19 reading saying that this same treatment is working for me.  I expected to be icky Tuesday as I normally am.  My treatments are from early in the morning to late evening so it’s not an easy few hours or anything.  Then comes Wednesday and I feel like I did a year ago in the hospital when I felt like a drained, lifeless body.  It was one of those girl days where you could care less about the outside world, you could care less what you look like or how you smell.  All that mattered the past couple of days was that I had a bed to lay in with a comfy blanket and pillows.  I didn’t care to eat, get up or get around.  Unfortunately I had to take my dead body into the hospital yesterday to get a Neulasta shot.  I am the type that has a hard time relaxing and taking it easy.  I am always doing something and going 100+ mph so it was crazy to be thrown backwards for once.  I suppose it was the chemo.  I blamed myself in not rebounding quickly though because…. I don’t know why… I blame myself because I always feel like I can fix whats wrong in my life without help but I know thats not always possible.  I need help.  I need doctors.

I had to snap out of it today.  The rest did help.  Today I woke up feeling a bit better and had one of those days where I needed to shower, wash my bedding and clothes, and make sure I end the night with a hot bubble bath and wine!

In the pancreatic cancer news:

Wilko Johnson is choosing to go out on a high note. The former Dr. Feelgood guitarist and songwriter, who won a new legion of fans as mute executioner Ser Ilyn Payne on “Game of Thrones,” has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer and is choosing to forgo chemotherapy, according to his manager, Robert Hoy.

But, according to Hoy, the 65-year-old Johnson is determined to live life to the fullest for as long as he can.

“He is currently in good spirits, is not yet suffering any physical effects and can expect to enjoy at least another few months of reasonable health and activity,” Hoy’s post continued, detailing Johnson’s plans to finish a new CD, tour France, give a series of farewell concerts in the U.K. and release a live DVD from his last U.K. tour.

I am not familiar with the show but for those of you that are… there ya go.  I am of coarse for chemo although at one time went the other way with it because I believe in our bodies ability to fight for themselves but hey it’s his choice and everybody should always support the patients choice in what they want.

Goodnight world!

xoxo ~Ashley