My wife never Ceases to amaze me she is doing great. She went from looking around and seeing her room for the first time and trying to figure things out to understanding where shes at and what shes been through. She didn’t believe she would make it yesterday. She was having a hard time yesterday from everything and even said she was slipping away. We have got her down from 35 mg of Ketamine to 5mg which is great sense this is like PCP and shes Hallucinating a lot. (Amazing drug just not good for long term) She made me laugh so much with her wild dreams go figure she is shopping at the mall a lot. We are also down to 10mg on the Dilaudid which is a long ways from the horse dose that she was on learlier. This is great and amazing to me. So I think the goal is to get her off the ketamine so we can get out of the ICU sense we can’t leave the ICU on this drug hospital policy. Then we will slowly step her off the Diluadid and see what happens. We are trying to stay away from an epidural I think she has been though enough. (Doctors can’t force us into it no matter how bad they want us to do it). I just don’t want to rock the boat. Very important to be your own avocet and do what you feel is right for Yourself. So the other day posted a challenge for everyone to send Ashley as many cards as we possibly could to flood the hospital with cards for her. So I would like to up the challenge we all have friends family or friends of a friend that been touched by cancer. Let’s Brighten up the day for all of them and send cards or call and or visit them just because. Tell them they are not alone and they can fight and we got their back. Everyone needs a reason to fight. Ashley keeps telling my she would not have done this surgery if it were not for me. I tell her yes you would your a beautiful strong girl. She told me this is the hardest thing I have ever done and without you I would have died. We hear so many people say I have cancer and I will die from cancer — these are people who have nothing to live for! We say bull shit, cancer is not a death sentence, it a chance
to fight! So many people die for senseless reasons. There is hope, a chance, a fight, you just need to want it bad enough and Ashley does. One of my therapies for ashley was to always giving her something to look forward to going to a baseball game or going to Florida, California , Las Vegas or even wedding We truly were blessed and did a lot. FYI not a cheap therapy . So WORK HARD and PLAY HARDER!!!! You need to have a purpose in life and without that you have nothing at all. I have learned a lot due to cancer life is not about the things you own or have its the moment and your purpose. The moments are the simple part take a vacation or just spend more time together because you never know when this life will end. Just be there for that special someone in your life. I have made it to everyone of Ashley Dr appoint never even missed one and have spent ever night in the hospital except in ICU for first two nights because of rules but we have found away around those also. (thats what rules are for – to break ) But really I calm her down when her heart rate goes up and the team has said she does better when you are around. So I am here 24/7 this is a team effort no on should have to do this alone. Brakes my heart to leave her for 45min at a time to run out and take care of the boys. People need to feel loved not abandon in there darkest hours. So JUST BE THERE !!!! Ashley is doing a 180 today just because I was there for her last night all night! Now on the other hand the Purpose is the difficult thing to figure out. You can have all the money and things in the world but without a purpose you have nothing at all. Think back to a time in your life when you have almost died or had someone close to you die. What do your remember the most. That truck you have or the ring you bought her. No it’s it the moments we shared in that truck no matter how old or new and that Ring doesn’t matter if its 20 dollars or 20,000 dollars its the smile you remember her or him having when you gave it to them. (These are moments) Back to the illusive purpose, that is a tough one. I though
my purpose was to work make lots of money and have a big house with lots of things the – american dream right? But we now know its more than that its got to be. Ashley now knows her purpose is to help other by blogging her journey and speaking to others and give hope. If she helps one person it will fulfill her purpose. (She needs to write a book) I can only dream of being able to touch the hearts of people like my wife. She really lights up a room and is living proof that no matter how bad your back is up against a wall you can break it down. I am not sure of my purpose yet but I think it will have something to do with this cancer journey in a form of helping find a cure. CURE that’s a big word!!! Knowledge this is the most important part. Cancer is a journey it’s like a bad Roller coaster ride. Ups and downs and hard curves along the way but these I believe can be minimized if you only have the right info. Look at me and Ashley for example we were very knowledgeable we’ve ask the hard questions we’ve asked about surgery we’ve asked about paracentesis drainage for her we’re always told no. We went to three facilities we went to MSU Michigan we went to Johns Hopkins Baltimore we were at Georgetown Hospital in DC. I did my research I asked about Hipec about 6 to 8 months ago. We found what we thought was an aggressive surgeon we had a consultation with him he said no there’s nothing I can do sorry Hipec is too risky and dangerous and not proven to work. (Without risks there is no reward) So step out of your comfort zone and “GETER DONE” Long story short our Oncologist went on vacation to China we refused chemotherapy due to her condition got reevaluated by another oncologist, and he referred for surgery and drainage and the rest is history. (This is an example of knowledge all people think differently two heads are better than one scenario ) God works in mysterious ways for reasons I believe we we will never understand. But the fact of the matter is you just need to ride it out. Someone posted “don’t tell your God how big the storm is tell the storm how big your God is” this is a great statement. I believe that some people are just scared to step out of
their comfort comfort zone. And everybody thinks differently. It’s people like Ashley’s surgeon that are willing to take that risk for that little glimmer of hope and purpose.
God bless that man for going the extra mile for my wife. I think I will make him a plank out of the finest wood I can find that states
Ashley’s # 1 surgeon/Hero.
PS Ashley’s great Christie has asked about helping forever know. I have alway said I need nothing and we are good. she has broke me down and I agreed she could do whatever she felt she could to help Ashley. So she came up with a site called gofundit this is legit and all the money will go to ashley. I think Ashley will mostly use it for Beach therapy she deserves a vacation. Thanks for your continued support and god speed Tim
Song for Christie http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=thd3c60gYV8&feature=m-ch-fea
Tracy Lawrence “Find Out Who Your Friends Are” Look it up this is for all the true friends Ashley has.
I always tell Ashleyn remember people will disappoint you in life but ” don’t let them be your teacher”