Song for my Wife you had me from hello
So since my wife, friend, lover,partner and everything to me has passed, it has been gloomy and rainy in DC; makes you wonder how many are crying up stairs to make this happen. Ashley had a special glow about and around her that everyone was touched by. She will never be forgotten and always will be loved. She could make everyone smile and laugh for no reason when she walked in the room. To watch the one you love fight for 5hr as her body was shouting down is awful, but a testament to her strength and will to live. The body is equipped to die as it is to live. When her kidneys shut down at first she got delirium and that was awful. She was so frustrated that she could not speak to me and she tried so hard it brought tears to my eyes. The body sent ammonia to the brain, which is my understanding, put her in somewhat of a coma state so she would feel less pain. But watching the one you love battle for five hours is and was very difficult. She had what they call a death gurgle because of the fluid building up in her body and she was constantly grasping for her breath and breathing very heavily. This is not what I imagined when she would go or how it would happen. At the end of her life, they told us that she could not see us but she could hear. This I know because she had looked over at me when I spoke to her. We tried to comfort her the best way we knew and that was by surrounding her with love and ensuring her that I would be seeing her soon and to save a spot for me in heaven. Thank God her sister and dad were there for her. She told us all that she loved us and she knew we felt the same. I can’t say this was easy- it was worse than I could have ever imagined for her. If I could have ended it sooner for her, I would have. We always thought we were the exception and we would beat this demon. I will try in the future to update you on the events that happened prior to Ashley’s departure. I had been battling so hard with the hospital policies in the hospital medical team that I just did not have the strength to post anything online- I just wanted to love her.