I loved my wife with all my heat and will alway love her it the little things that I miss most of her. Her telling me what to do or hogging the TV remote or just a walk with our boys (the good stuff.) I fought for her as she would for me never missing even 1 doctors visit (There was a lot) and spending every second with her at the hospital day and night. She never told me she loved me for this I could just see it in her eyes. Ashley was afraid to die she did not want to leave alone and wanted me to go with her when god call her up to heaven. I told her I would be right behind her and for her save a spot for me because I had to make arrangement s for our stuff and boys. Holding her hand and loving her to the end is not easy watching that last breath of air last heart beat as she got called up made me feel powerless and angry at god. Why Ashley why not me she was the poster girl of health not me. At times I find I can’t cry anymore and just simple out of tears and then I’ll just break down from something so simple as thinking of how she always got after me for leaving lights on in rooms or not covering her radio in the car with a blanket not pulling in her truck mirror. This is the good stuff ( I’m even having a difficult time writing this cant keep the tears out of my eyes and everything is Blurry). Me and Ashley held a deep love for one another we were inseparable did everything together whent every were together we were stronger this way. What she was weak at I was strong and what I was weak at she was strong. Most people dont get a chance in life to meet there true love they do thing separate they are happier when they spend less time together but for me and my wife we felt our love getting stronger every day. I know someday we would die it’s inevitable I guess I just hoped we would go together of old-age or maybe I would go first to make it easier. Ashley was angry with God she cried to me numerous times why does God hate me why why dose he want me to be in pain why is God doing this to my life why. Dose god not want us to have a full life together. I told her I didn’t have the answer but this is not the work of god this is the work of the devil. I have been a fair weather fan believing in god my hole life. I believe when good happens and don’t when bad things happen. I am ok with knowing if their is a heaven or hell she is in heaven and if there is nothing than there is just nothing and she is a peace with no pain. Looking back on Ashley’s life all the little things that I complained about argued about with her those are the things that I miss the most. All the imperfections and little quirks that no one else knows about this is the good stuff.