Second memorial for my wife

So first off I want to say I am so very sorry to everybody for not posting in such a long time. My loving wife Ashley was very secure and had everything under passcodes and it took weeks to figure out all the pass codes for everything not to mention I’m not very computer savvy LOL. So let me first say that the first memorial went great Ashley had her last rights as a Catholic and it was beautiful. I have a month of catching up on her blogging to do she would want me to do that. The second memorial is going to be at the Christ Episcopal church At 120 E. Goodhue St. Owosso Michigan at 11 AM. At the first Memorial Ashley broke my heart. She really got the last word in like always lol. She told the minister who we spoke to numerous times to tell me something personal at the memorial service. She just knew that I would probably have him speak for her sense she liked him so much and spoke to him a lot about God and other things in life. She told him to tell me that she loved me and I was her best friend in life. Also she could not have survived 18 months without me by her side. She also said that I was one the beloved boys in her life besides Tank&Toby Lol. As you all know I had Ashley cremated and it took me a long long time to find the perfect urn for my wife. I ended up getting her a beautiful beveled glass mirrored box. I had a lot of engraving done on it to make it personal. It already had a beautiful glittery angel on top of the box so I just thought it was appropriate to inscribed Detroit Tigers on the angels sleeve. Then of course I put some diamonds on it all girls have to have a little bling bling right. I have been going through so much so many emotions so many different kinds of feelings from the loss of my beloved wife. But to put Ashley’s crazy mother on top of that is even more difficult. I don’t normally put family drama on a post but my wife really got the short end of the stick when it came to a mother if you would call her mother. Ashley knew her mother would never be there for her in the end, when she really needed family the most. Ashley’s mother was not there when she passed away sadly She told me she “didn’t have the money”. If you love somebody you do whatever it takes possible to be down there for them in that time of need. My parents would have even given her a ride down there but she refused. I found out that the kind workers at Kroger where her mother works have been taking up collections for her to come down and see her. She has never use the money for that purpose and I’m not sure what she has been doing with it sadly. I found out she had a life insurance policy on Ashley that my wife knew nothing about. She tried telling me that there was $1000 life insurance policy that her grandmother taken out for her and that she would need a death certificate. I thought this was sort of fishy and she was lying to me. So when I asked her to see the policy she told me “I don’t have to tell you anything” And that she is not giving me a dime of it even though I have countless medical bills and cost of cremation funeral memorial and so on. After Ashley passed I felt very bad for her mother even though she wasn’t down there I sent my parents over to see her and maybe take her out for coffee and to talk. She didn’t want to go though she was busy looking for Ashley’s life insurance policy that she surprisingly “forgot about” she says the whole time my wife battled for 18 months. This is very said to me she only worries about cashing in on her daughters death and doesn’t care about anything else. Ashley would never want her mother to profit from her death. Ashley was not very close mainly because her mother didn’t act like one at all. Ashley would have been so angry with her mother if she had found out her she had a life insurance policy on her since she moved out of the house at age 18. Normal parents in this circumstances would have signed it over to their children at age 18 or 21 whatever that may be and let them take it over as they see fit. I am again just so saddened by this and can’t believe that someone who calls themselves a mother would do this to their deceased daughter. I told Della that I wanted to set up a foundation in Ashley’s name and that she could be the first donor to it If there was any money left after the medical expenses. She basically told me forget you I paid the premiums and I am cashing it in. Well I battled with my wife for 18 months and I will battle with her tell the end of my life if need be on the situation. Like I told everyone before it’s not about the money to me I am trying to help other people. For example the go fund me site everybody has generously donated to any money I take out of it I am going to put back in when I get back to work. It will all go to a foundation that I set up in her name and it will ultimately help cancer patients with rare cervical and pancreatic cancer. Again I am so saddened by the family drama but I don’t know any other way to try to stop this woman.

10 comments on “Second memorial for my wife

  1. Chris says:

    Tim – you’re a good man. Your goodness shows not just in how you cared for Ashley, and not just in what you’re doing now about funding cancer research, but in how you felt bad for Ashley’s mother even when Ashely’s mother wasn’t there for Ashley at the end. One of the unfortunate features of this life is that good people can’t make selfish people think about others, no matter how hard they try. And we just have to let selfish people go on thinking only about themselves, and not make ourselves crazy about it. Ashley’s mother’s behavior is not right, and it’s not fair, and it is mostly likely completely outside of your control. But if it makes you feel better to take on the crazy $@&% – if it gives you an outlet for all your conflicting emotions – then go for it. Btw, you didn’t list the date for the memorial in Michigan.

  2. Pat b says:

    So sorry you are going through this family drama and most of all that Ashley did not have a supportive mother. When I looked at the time you sent this and the time my chemo drugs were delivered (only minutes apart) for infusion I realized Ashley is looking down on me to give me support as I continue to fight PC. So know from above that Ashley is continuing her mission. Stay strong Tim!

  3. Lola says:

    I agree with first post….dealing with her “mother” is some outlet for your feelings. Amazing Ashley turned out to be so amazing considering. You cannot change who her mother is but just remember hie Ashley was so wonderful during all of her life trials. Take care of yourself.

  4. Emily says:

    I just can not believe what a horrible mother Ashley had😡! Thank god you guys had each other . I did not know Ashley personally, but I know that she was a sweet girl. Now she is an angel watching over everyone:). Tim your love for her is amazing . Continue to fight that is what Ashley would want😀

  5. Micklin Edwards says:

    Tim……there is one thing that Ashley’s Mum can not avoid, nor control and that is KARMA!!! She will get what she deserves in life, and some way down the road, she will have to live with her conscience and with the fact that other people will see her for what she truly is. I could not for the life of me understand why she wasn’t with her daughter in the last stages of her life. She is not normal Tim, so I don’t think you will ever be able to understand her. The only way you can deal with her, is to wipe her completely out of your life, and have nothing more to do with her. I understand that Ashley’s sister and Dad were there for her? What do they make of Ashley’s Mum not being there for her own daughter?

    Tim, you and Ashley were an amazing team together. You both fought a gallant fight. We all know what a beast Pancreatic Cancer is, and how deadly this cancer is. The odds with this cancer are not good at all, but you both gave it your best shot, and I am in awe of this, and your love for each other. Hang on to the memories Tim.

    Get Della out of your life…..she is poison. Surround yourself with loving and positive people. That is what you need.

    Micklin xxx

  6. Patti says:

    Tim – I have said this before but will say it again…God knew what he was doing when he brought you two together. You are the strength in hef weakness and she in yours. Certainly no one will fault you for standing up for Ashley even if it means standing against her “mother”. Sadly there are too many mothers like that. Stay strong and know that many of us are keeping you in our prayers. Thank you for keeping us updated.

  7. Mini says:

    Hi Tim

    Thanks for posting. I have thought about you often and have hoped you are looking after yourself and ‘coping.’ It is so easy to let the grief swallow you. This time is very hard and the emotions that hit range from rage, to pain, to love , to anger etc. Sadly they are all part of the journey one has to live when you love someone and then lose them. Sometimes the things that you ignored about people in life simply can’t be ignored any longer but don’t let them consume you. There is nothing to be gained from trying to understand people’s short comings. They simply are, for better or worse, who they are. Sometimes there simply is no understanding how people work &think. That doesn’t mean you ignore others short comings, it just means you will never grow to be like them. Ashley was so blessed to have you in her life and loving her unconditionally. You gave her what others chose not to &this is why she adored you. Stay strong and blog when you can. You are part of a family who has and is travelling the journey with you Take care Tim.

  8. Donna Cesare Ciallella says:

    Tim, Sadly a lot of people have drama in their families. The things that bothers me is that in times of sadness and tragedy as you experienced, why can’t people just forget that and come together. As you say, Ashley got the short end of the stick when it came to mothers. That is actually how it sounds. I am sure that Della is grieving but I just can’t believe how she is acting regarding that insurance policy and accepting the ride from your parents to see her daughter for the last time. Tim, you are a good man and husband. You and Ashley were there for each other always. And you are doing right by her name and remembrance right now. Forget about the stupidity of others. You and her boys most important in her life. You and Tank and Toby brought her the most joy. You just continue to keep her memory alive. She helped so many people and you will continue her legacy. Also, the urn sounds beautiful. Take care!

  9. jane says:

    A month ago today Ashley and you are so very missed. Thank you again for all that you did for so many. And Tim – you are in our prayers and thoughts – jane

  10. Hollie Stewart says:

    Thank you for continuing to post. I prayed every day for Ashley, now I pray for you. I have lost a grandmother and my daddy to PC. I miss and think of my daddy every singly day without fail. To me it’s a loyalty to remember and miss them, but more importantly to fight for them and others in this battle. When my daddy passed I started a memorial bodybuilding show(I’m a fitness competitor) and set up a Memorial Fund through Pancan. Its in its 3rd year now. Do something to keep Ashley’s fight alive. After bills are settled you’ll gain so much in dealing with the grief by doing something to help fight the disease.
    And for Della, she is no Mother. In the bible a mother is called “blessed” she was in incubator & nothing more. No “Mother” leaves their child. My mother would’ve walked to get to me if she had to. Erase her from your life. And if she wants a death certificate, let her get it herself! You NEVER leave a loved one to battle alone…end of story. I went to every dr appt, chemo treatment (sat in chair beside him) layed in floor of hospital all night (so mom could have the chair) and held his hand for over 3hrs in ICU before my daddy died. No excuse for that poor excuse for a mother. Your justified in your actions, your definitely nicer than I would be. Step by step, day by day Tim.

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